When someone enters a relationship, there’s usually a title change. Whether it be boyfriend, girlfriend, “bae”, fiancé, husband, wife, etc., there is usually a corresponding name designation. People even make jokes about making relationships “Facebook Official” as social media plays a heavy role in many people’s relationships. Whatever you call it, the end goal is the same – to let others know about two people’s choice to form a relationship, a partnership.
As therapists, we refer to the boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands, and wives of those struggling with sex addiction as Partners for ease in language and to acknowledge that, like the name suggests, there are two people in the equation that need tending to during this time.
After a time of serious contemplation and consideration, whether or not the Partner chooses to remain in the relationship does not change the fact that they have most undoubtedly been affected by the actions of their significant other and are deserving of repairing their heartbreak and healing from the experience.
All of the therapists at Flyleaf Counseling, PLLC have received specialized training in the treatment of sex addiction, including caring for the Partner. We believe that you have your own story to tell and mending to do. We are here to join you on your journey of restoration. You are worth the investment.
I think my significant other is a sex addict / porn addict. Now what?
If you suspect your significant other has a problem with sex or porn addiction, you have probably discovered things to lead you to believe so. Examples may include: Internet histories being cleared, spending more time than usual on the computer, work schedules changing, increased travel, clearing text message or call history, unexplained cash withdrawals, unfamiliar credit card charges, discovery of a secret cell phone or email account, discovery of a secret pornography stash, etc. You may have been intentionally deceived for a long period of time and the
This early post-discovery period can be a frightening time as thoughts race through Partners’ minds. How long has this been going on? What else don’t I know? Is this my fault?
If you take anything away from reading this page, please know that there is nothing that you did, or could have done to cause or prevent addiction from happening. However, while this isn’t your fault, you have choices to make – including the choice to care for yourself during this time. While this healing journey will undoubtedly be difficult at times, the destination is beautiful – full of richness, wholeness, and a deep sense of complete health.
There are many wonderful resources available to Partners. From individual therapists, like us, who specialize in the treatment of sex addiction and Partners’ work, to weekly therapeutic groups, to books and workshops. The list of resources for Partners grows every day.
Can our relationship be fixed? Is this hopeless?
With hard work, your relationship can most certainly be fixed – this is not hopeless. Many couples that choose to enter recovery state that their relationship is forever changed for the better because of the healing. Sex addiction recovery is not just about stopping the addictive behaviors, it’s about connection with self and others, communication, total intimacy, vulnerability, being present in the moment, and living life in a completely different way.
We applaud you for your immense courage and we are glad you found us. We are here to help you and support you on your journey. While this situation may seem impossible to overcome, your story isn’t over. Your next chapter begins now.